First Step, Next Step

Another Special Moment to Share

2010-09-06T20:19:00.000-04:00

Many of the movements Deb is making are too minute or discreet to capture on video or be of much interest for others to watch. But here is Deb pulling her knee outward without assistance. She can generally do a large movement like this once or twice a day on each leg and then we continue to work with me assisting her. As time goes on, we are confident that there will be more and more major movements to share with you here. Remember...Dreams never die, Miracles ARE happening, and never, ever, Ever, EVER give up! Peace!

Why We Are Sharing This Journey

2010-09-05T15:20:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves why we do some of the things we do. In talking with Deb, she shared a very important aspect of this blog for her that I had not considered. She often asks me to share details that are minute or personal that I have heretofore forgotten to include, or worse, been guilty of the unpardonable sin of ignoring my wife's wishes. Today she explained her reasoning.

Deb is not the first person to regain mobility after some affliction or injury, we have heard of a few others. However, nowhere have we found a chronicle of the details of the long and arduous journey from immobility to health. We hear of where they started and how long it took to recover. Nowhere have Deb or I heard or read about what we might expect on a day-to-day basis. The twists and the turns. The speed bumps. The processes to go through or what seemingly minor incidents constitute major triumphs on the road to full wellness.

Little things that healthy people sometimes take for granted have been roadsigns to recovery for Deb and she would like to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for the next person or persons who find themselves challenging medical and conventional wisdom to follow in attempting the so-called "impossible". She firmly believes that there will be more and more people defying the sentence of disability that medical doctors had down and she would like to give them a little more insight than she had when she started out.

Things that Deb thought it might be helpful to share:

For years, Deb could not burp, her diaphragm didn't function well enough to make it happen. Minor detail, right? Imagine the torture a good spicy burrito can cause if you couldn't follow it up with a good burp. She started burping again about a year ago after acute meridian acupuncture treatment with Dr. Issam Nemeh. Now instead of "excuse me", I've told her to follow her burps with a "Thank you, God!"
Sitting on the edge of the bed without assistance was a major accomplishment. Before working out with a trainer at Club Fit, sitting up unaided was a precarious proposition because of the lack of core strength and muscle control that Deb started regaining recently.
Complications from medication. Until she stopped taking prescription medications five years ago, many indications she had to deal with , like dry skin, hair loss, dry mouth, chronic constipation, drowsiness, lethargy, irritability, were simply side effects of the nine or so meds she had been prescribed at various times.
Deb can sweat now! (I know, ladies "glisten"). While taking medications, Deb would not sweat when it was hot, making it much harder to stay cool in hot weather. When she got off of medications, lo and behold, she could sweat appropriately again. We're not sure which one was the culprit.
Toe wiggling is actually one of the toughest movements to regain because they are further from where the nerve signals originate. Movies and TV shows often showed a recovering patient moving their toe as a sign of recovery. Pure literary license. Truth is, the closer to the injury, the stronger the initial nerve signals are that cause movement, like Deb and her diaphragm and holding in her stomach.

These are a just a few of the kinds of things that Deb feels it is important to chronicle in order to give the next wave of miracle recoverees something to hold on to on their climb to complete health.

Still Moving

2010-09-02T13:41:00.000-04:00

This is the time in our story that usually gets skipped over in the movies. You see the miraculous first movements, you see the initial struggles to get stronger...then a caption of "SIX MONTHS LATER" flashes under the screen and our hero is up and walking, maybe with just a slight limp.

What they can't show is the day to day grind of working. Pushing with the effort of an Olympic powerlifter going for gold, just to see the leg move a 1/4 of an inch. You don't see two steps forward, one step back anguish of seeing muscles that leapt to life the day before now lie limp when attempting to move them or the joy of welcoming each new little twitch as if it were the birth of a child. If only we could share every detail of this wonderful journey with the world (but the reality TV people have not gotten back to us yet.)

Deb did move her feet at the ankle today, which being so distal from the point of injury is very encouraging. She also flexed her gluteus maximus, which was very encouraging to me personally (and there are no video of that to "accidently" wind up on the internet).

Video of Deb Moving Foot!

2010-08-30T18:27:00.000-04:00

This video was shot on our second day back from Florida, 3 days after her last treatment with Ken Bryant.

Neuro Synthetic Conduction

2010-08-30T12:30:00.000-04:00

I realized that I didn't specify that trip to Florida was not for the same treatment that Deb went to back in 2008. This one is done by a licensed physical therapist name Ken Bryant down in Largo, Fl. I would be hard pressed to adequate explain the mechanics/physiology of what he does. It is related to Reflexology and works to turn on dormant, but intact, nerves. Here, check it out for yourself: http://www.nsctherapyproject.com/index.html.

Deb works with Ken Bryant at NSC

Back Home and Ready to Get to Work

2010-08-29T22:34:00.000-04:00

We just got back from Florida tonight and we are still elated at the prospects of what lies before us. Deb is still kicking up her heels, literally. Oddly enough, she has this new movement of swinging her leg out to the side when sitting on the edge of the bed. Picture a kid swinging her feet together, clicking her new patent leather shoes together, that's the motion Deb started doing when trying to swing her leg forward, so we just went with it (at this point, movement is movement and every twitch is celebrated.)

We are looking forward to our workouts. Between our adjustable bed, elastic bands, and cycling machine, we have enough to keep Deb's legs stimulated as she strengthens and coordinates her movements.

This is mind-blowing, consciousness-shifting stuff! Can you imagine even having the very real possibility of regaining the use of your legs after 20 years? Every twitch is rebirth, every conscious movement is a revelation from God! I told Deb that having her legs starting to work is like having a new toy. Like a kid, I can't wait to play again.

Deb says, "I am inspired to the utmost and extremely grateful."

Always remember...DREAMS NEVER DIE!!!!

Now Its All Hard Work and Vision

2010-08-27T18:45:00.002-04:00

Deb and wrapped up the week of tough therapy and treatment doing an hour in the EZ Stand Glider and then displaying another awe-inspiring demonstration of moving muscles which she hasn't controlled in 20 years.

The stander is designed to help strengthen her legs and prepare her for standing. It was also very psychologically uplifting for her to feel herself standing at her full height of 5' 11".

During her exercises, she again alternated lifting her feet at the knee as they hung from the table and pulled her foot down as it was held by band.
The highlight of the session was her pulling her knee in (adduction) sitting on the table. She actually pulled the knee up, working against gravity, stopping when felt worn out, then regrouping and finishing the movement. One of the assistants observing the session actually came to tears (my eyes were not completely dry either).

Now its just a matter of Deb and I continuing to work hard everyday strengthening her legs and maintaininour vision of seeing her walk on her own once again.

Remember...DREAMS NEVER DIE!!!

Our Goal Is Near!

2010-08-26T12:21:00.000-04:00

Deb is now moving her legs definitively and consistently. As of this writing, we are in Clearwater, Florida where Deb is receiving therapy that is meant to reactivate her nervous system. The strongest movements have been leg extensions and hamstring pulls from the sitting position. I know I have shared reports of her moving before, but none of them compare to what I witnessed yesterday. The movements were strong and repetitive, lifting her foot about two inches about ten times and then with an exercise band, pulling her leg back using her hamstrings.

Even before yesterday, on Tuesday, she was controlling her spasms by consciously flexing her muscles to break the spasmodic movements.

I will have more updates shortly. Please remember, dreams never die!

Going Vegan

2009-08-08T21:51:00.004-04:00

"Eat your vegetables!" "Eat more fruit!" "You should have at least 5 - 8 services of fruits and vegetables a day." I have heard such things from Deborah (and my mom before her) for years now. She has always liked her veggies, even eating nothing but veggie meals such as sauteed spinach with mushrooms and onions served over rice or couscous. But I have to admit that my son and I have been a bad influence on Deb. We would plop down a sack full of Burger King burgers, hand Deb her obligatory salad and begin to chow down. Deb would inevitable sneak a peak at our fat, juicy burgers and ask for a bite. Extra crispy fried chicken was an extreme temptation for her. However, her routine has changed over the last month or so, and it is now Deb that is doing the influencing in regards to diet.

She has been about 99% vegan for about the last month (she still accepts a fork full of tuna salad occasionally.) And she has been increasing going raw vegan. One huge factor is keeping fresh fruit and vegetables in the house so that we can juice them for breakfast and sometimes after dinner. While I am nowhere close to being vegan (sorry PETA), I have eaten more vegetables and fruit while assisting Deb with her diet than I have in years and I can feel the difference. And somehow, getting five servings of plant life in an eight ounce glass works out better for me than plate fulls of the old green leafy.

I highly recommend to anyone to get there hands on a juicer to put some pep back into their diet. Twenty minutes, including veggie prep and clean up and we are juicing fresh, high quality juice. Our favorite combination right now is carrot-apple-ginger, but the list includes all kinds of combinations of celery, spinach, broccoli, radishes, and tomatoes.

Deb is also always finding raw veggie recipes, some of which are quite tasty. My favorite is a date paste that consists of blending a few dates, some raw cashews and water until smooth and serving over fresh fruit (strawberries, blueberries or mango, to name a few).

We have also recently had a raw cucumber "soup" (it was more like puree), that was made of celery, cucumber, avocado and olive oil.

Speaking of avocado, homemade guacamole is fantastic. Just blend a couple of avocados with tomato, onion and garlic. It is delicious and you save the $7/lb. that it cost in the store.

The funny part is getting my 13 year-old son to do his part and drinking the juice (not the Koolaid!) You would think that we were asking him to chug a beer the way he turns up his nose and makes faces at it. But even he is coming around.

Deb's digestion has been helped tremendously by her diet, relieving a lot of the aches and pains that sometimes accompanied meals full of saturated fats and cholesterol.

There is a movie coming out called "Food Inc" about the industrialization, profiteering, contamination and cruelty in America's food industry that I think will make a lot of people rethink their food choices. Maybe after I watch it, I'll go vegan myself. Until then, I have the perfect voice of food conscience right here at home.

2009-07-03T09:42:00.002-04:00

Read and let there be no doubt left in you ... Deborah McCreath Akbar is healing NOW! I know that I have talked here about her legs moving, twitching or squeezing, but I have just witnessed the most definitive movement yet from her legs since we began this quest for a miracle. While sitting in her wheelchair (for now ;) ), her left leg spasmed forward off of the footrest. She reflexively pulled her foot back toward her footrest; we've seen this before, especially while in Dr. Issam Nemeh's office. This time, I encouraged her to keep going, to pull it all the way back. Slowly but surely she not only pulled it back to the footrest, but slightly up and all the way back to sit securely in place with no further spasms. We looked at each other in awe, as if looking to confirm in each others eyes what we both had witnessed. We shouted for joy and prayed further in gratitude for this major step.

We had been discussing some serious emotional issues and challenges and were praying deeply about them before this incident happened. We had been so involved in our conversation and prayer that it was about 3:30 a.m. Believe it or not, I had been telling Deb that all of the work, emotional and physical, that she needed to do in order to walk, had already been done. This was in response to being told on various occasions that this or that issue needed to be resolved in order to walk. One person would say she needed to work on forgiveness, another would focus on gratitude or banishing fear. All of the advice was good and helpful for Deb's personal development, but I reasoned that not everyone who could stand and walk was the picture of perfect emotional health and balance. I knew how much work Deb had done on herself and securely felt that she deserved to see progress, both inwardly and outwardly, from it. When God wants something to BE, IT IS, regardless of circumstances!

Our faith is being rewarded. Last night was just the beginning, stay tuned. Miracles are happening NOW, people.

Share the Joy (Happy Anniversary to Us!)

2009-06-06T19:02:00.004-04:00

Deborah and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. There was time to reflect on all the challenges that we have faced over the years and it seems that with every new challenge, we learn more and more about each other and about ourselves.

We took time to reminisce this week about how much our lives and our beliefs have changed since we first met. It seems to me that it really has been one big, continuing journey.

While Deb's health has had a major impact on everything we do, there have been plenty of challenges and triumphs that were totally unrelated to her physical condition. There were the different parenting styles we brought to our blended family. There were differences in religion and cultural backgrounds that had to be reconciled. (With much patience and soul-searching, our views have both evolved to be much closer than they were in the beginning.) Sometimes, it's a wonder that we ever stayed together long enough to grow together. We did and it looks like we have as much growing as ever yet to come.

Wayne Dyer once said that your soul mate is not the person that you agree with 100% of the time, because no growth comes from that situation. He said that your soul mate was a person who could push your buttons to help you learn lessons that would ultimate help you to be at peace. If Mr. Dyer is right, then Deb and I are the very definition of soul mates! ;)

¡Te amo mucho, Milagro!

2009-05-23T17:52:00.004-04:00

It will be four years this July since Deb quit taking prescription drugs of any kind! Hooray, Deb!!!

At varying times, she had been prescribed 12 different medications for everything from muscle spasms, bladder control, depression, lung capacity, recurring infections, and of course, pain.
She began looking for alternatives to prescription medicine after suffering chronic digestive side effects from taking the medications. Actually, half of the prescriptions were given to alleviate side effects caused by the other half.

We would visit the emergency room at least twice a year because of the pain it caused. The last time, when Deb insisted to know what she could do to stop this cycle of frustration once and for all, the doctor simply replied, "I don't know."

So, in typical Deb fashion, Deb set out to find the answer herself. She tried enzymes, herbal remedies, massotherapy and changing her diet. She wound up with a combination of the three that would alleviate the need for the prescriptions and their side effects. Her diet now consists of mostly vegetables and fruit, minimizing meat, salt or anything fried (she has a penchant for McDonalds french fries, though she has been six weeks without those as well.)

Deb found an excellent herbalist in Dr. Susan Deng. Dr. Deng is an Ohio State Board Certified Acupuncturist and Chinese Herbalist who has provided Deb with a customized mixed of herbs which she drinks daily in a tea. Dr. Deng also treats Deb with acupuncture on a monthly basis.

While she does not visit the massotherapist regularly any longer, her last therapist shared techniques with me for helping to keep her legs limber and her back straight.

So I just wanted to take this time to congratulate and encourage Deb on her endeavors to continuously improve her life.

Miracles Are Happening

2009-05-14T22:57:00.004-04:00

Deb had a visit with Dr. Issam Nemeh on Thursday. If you recall, he is the doctor who practices Acute Meridian Acupuncture and is well known for the healing services that he performs (

http://www.drnemeh.com/home.htm). We told him about Deb's voluntary muscle movement of her thighs, hamstrings and gluts and he took it all in stride. From his examination and treatment, he noted Deb's increased muscle mass and tone and reflexivity, and he said that there was a measurable increase in nerve activity.

He said, only half jokingly, that he is shooting for her to be walking by July! It is so refreshing and uplifting to deal with a health care professional who is primarily guided by his faith. He is truly doing what he feels God has called him to do.

Dr. Nemeh also reminded us that Deb's healing is as much a matter of our state of mind as it is her of her physical healing. While he insists that her healing is inevitable now, ("It cannot be stopped now!", he said), he warned that the process can be slowed by negative thinking and emotions. His advice was to not focus on the things we see and hear around us, but to keep God in the forefront of our mind. It was also interesting to me that as a devout Christian, he said that people put too much emphasis on what religion someone belongs to and not enough on the persons faith.

It is always a rejuvenating experience visiting Dr. Nemeh and it renews our assured expectation that Deb will be walking again in the very near future.

Just a quick update

2009-04-29T11:21:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to keep everyone informed. Deb continues to make slight movements with her thighs. The movement hasn't gotten stronger yet, but she does it regularly now, everyday she is able to squeeze her legs at will. She will probably be embarrassed that I tell you that she has also started to squeeze her gluteus maximus. Don't tell I told you this, and no, there will NOT be video of that part. I do plan to have video of her legs soon.

DEB IS MOVING HER LEGS!!!

2009-04-11T20:00:00.002-04:00

I know it has been almost a year to the day that I last posted here, but do not be mistaken, our hope and our faith have not waned. In fact, I am writing now to share with everyone Deb's exciting progress! She has actually begun to move the muscles in her legs! Very small movements, but very definitely conscious movement. She can just start to squeeze her thigh muscles, bringing her knees a little closer together when lying on her back with her legs outstretched.

Her moving her legs has not been a one time occurrence either. She has moved them about eight times over a little more than 2 weeks.

At first, I was even more excited than Deb was, being moved to tears at the site of my wife beginning to realize results from many long months of effort. At first it puzzled me a little why she didn't seem more ecstatic. She was definitely grateful and thankful to God, just not overwhelmed as I was.

After talking with her about it, it dawned on me, she had always visualized herself walking, and this was just a tiny step which, through her faith, she had been thoroughly expecting. This and the fact that she remembered having been able to walk helped to put it in perspective for her. I, on the other hand, had never in my life seen my wife move her legs at all! It was a first time experience for me, after having believed at one time that this was an impossibility.

Please continue to pray with us for Deb's continued journey toward her goal walking once again.

Findings from Brucker Biofeedback

2008-04-18T22:28:00.005-04:00

I finally get to share a complete update from our journey to Florida for Deborah to undergo 3 weeks of Brucker Biofeedback. The results are very promising. It was confirmed that Deborah's injury is NOT "Complete" like she was told definitively by doctors 18 years ago! From the full, 3-page report we received from the Brucker Biofeedback Institute:

At L2-4 (lower back), initial measurements of 4 percent of normal bilaterally were able to be increased to 6 percent of normal. The hip flexors initially showed only trace responses of voluntary motor neuron recruitment and they were able to be increased to 2 percent of normal. The quadriceps initially showed no voluntary motor neuron recruitment and were able to be increased to 2 percent of normal with spasm. Overall, it is apparent that Ms. Akbar has an incomplete spinal cord injury at C7 with substantial amount of long term motor neuron recovery. She has responded to the EMG Biofeedback procedures extremely well gaining significant increases in voluntary motor neuron recruitment to the muscles below the level of her spinal cord injury particularly the upper extremities and trunk. As a result of these increases of voluntary motor neuron recruitment it will now be possible for Ms. Akbar to gain substantial increases in strength and function with an aggressive exercise and therapy program.

We have already consulted an exercise physiologist and had our doctor refer us to a specialized physical therapy center that has the EMS (Electrical Muscle Stimulation) and quadrisizer to exercise Deborah's leg muscles as recommended in the Brucker Biofeedback report:

The paraspinal muscles had major gains and back extension exercises such as
leaning forward and bringing the back into extension should result in
significantly greater strength. The hip flexors and quadriceps now show some voluntary motor neuron recruitment and exercises to strength these such as attempts at knee extension and hip flexion with assistance would be recommended. Also, electrical stimulation used on these muscle groups would be helpful.

Deborah is already working hard on her own exercising her upper body and torso to continue gaining strength. She is also dieting fairly strictly with the goal of losing enough weight to be able to support her weight with her arms for when she is ready to use leg braces and a walker.

Deborah is as determined as ever to continue this amazing journey!

2008-03-26T11:42:00.002-04:00

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers!

We are down to our last 2 days (2 more biofeedback sessions) here in Florida! (We are leaving Friday, 3/28).

We had limited Internet access (I am in a Miami-Dade Public Library writing this) so I apologize about not sending info before this.

The progress that Deborah is making is so exciting. They started testing and exercising her shoulders and worked all the muscles down her arms then started working on the back muscles. The idea is to give her as much immediate improvement in mobility as possible, improving balance and arm strength.

We have found that Deborah has strong nerve signals far below the level of her injury, meaning that the damage was definitely not "complete" as her doctors originally told her. A couple or the therapist said that they have never seen anyone with an injury at her level (C7 - C8, cervical/neck area) have such strong nerve activity so low down the spine (L2-L4, lumbar area) is still quite strong. The outlook for her future mobility looks very good. Tomorrow we will find what kind of impulses she has in her upper legs.

We are learning exercises and movements that will strengthen her to have much more balance and motion. I am already helping to stand Deborah up as she bears a small amount of resistance on her legs. The DREAM Continues!

Please continue your thoughts and prayers! We can't wait to share more success!

In Honor of Dr. Bernard Brucker (1946 - 2008)

2008-02-26T22:29:00.003-05:00

Deborah and I would like to express our sincere condolences to the family of Dr. Bernard Brucker on the news of his passing on February 16.

He was the founder and director of the Brucker Biofeedback Center and developed the Brucker Biofeedback method of using electromyography (EMG) feedback techniques, that helped patients' brains reconnect with their bodies.

He was also one of the founders and the original co-director of the Miami Project to Cure Paralysis.

We had looked forward to meeting Dr. Brucker on our trip to Florida on March 10 as he made a practice of greeting each patient of his treatment center personally. Dr. Brucker will be greatly missed and the medical community has lost a great pioneer.

Dr. Brucker's work will continue at the numerous rehabilition centers he helped to found.

http://www.miamiherald.com/512/story/422291.html

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT

2008-02-10T19:37:00.001-05:00

Updated February 26, 2008. Deborah and I would like to take this time to thank everyone who has so generously donated so far to our efforts to have Deb receive treatment at the Brucker Biofeedback Institute in Miami, FL. We cannot express enough our heart felt gratitude for the support you all have shown and can only pray that we will make the most of it and deliver an unforgettable tale of triumph before this grand journey is finished. Below is the list of donors as of the date of this posting. Special thanks go out to Mr. Joe Schroeder for lending his considerable voice and support to our cause. May the Peace and Blessings of God be with you all.

Sharon Battle
Catherine Conwell
Terrance Conwell
SourceCon Corporation
Afri Creations
Cyndi Dawson
JoAnn Donahue
Good Harmony Enterprises
Barbie Figueroa
Lakesha Ford
Debora Gabinet
Pearl Gaines
Chris Galloway
Angel Garcia
Lee Green
Hussein Hill
Diane Hochman
Dave Ireland
Karl Johnson
Derrick Jones
Victor Kalman
Joe Knaack
Ilias Kone
Angela Lester
Mike Litman
Gaye Lowenstein
Gung Ho Marketing
Way Out Marketing
PJM Internet Marketing
Doug Middleton
Debra Morrison
Adrian Pope
Ed Pratt
Counter Racism
Donald Robinson, eSkills Inc.
Joe Schroeder
Tony Seawright
Dr.Phil Sebastian
Dr. Mike Shapiro
Jimmy Smith
Jill St. James
Nick Talladino
Enterprise Technologies
Vera Waters
Brian Winfield

We would also like the thank the following talk shows and hosts for interviewing Deborah:
Tommy Webb - webbradio.com

Hussein Hill - Oral Buffet, NBBTA.org/channel2.htm

Louie Jones - WCFJ 1470 AM, Chicago

Lovely Brown - Sistah Talk, blogtalkradio.com

Alonzo Brown - AASAP Radio, blogtalkradio.com

El & Syl - The El & Syl Variety Show, blogtalkradio.com

Global Influence, blogtalkradio.com

Carla Barnes - Inspire "You" Series, blogtalkradio.com

An Hour to Empower, blogtalkradio.com

Gregory & Brian - I Believe, blogtalkradio.com

Sound Off Now, blogtalkradio.com

Pop Wiz - blogtalkradio.com

In Her Own Words

2008-01-19T23:34:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share with you an interview that Deborah did with Tommy Webb on webbradio.com. In it, she talks more in depth about the Brucker Biofeedback treatment and what it has done for thousands of patients with neurological damage.

Peace, Love and Abundant Blessing to you all!

The Start of Something Huge

2008-01-19T15:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the pursuit of a personal goal or dream begins to take on a life of its own, becoming bigger than what we originally asked for. It’s not always true that you have to see exactly what it is that you want to happen before starting a journey, sometimes what you are to become or what you are supposed to do comes to you. William Shakespeare, in Twelfth Night said, "Be not afraid of greatness, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them." I truly believe that greatness is being thrust Deborah's way. Her pursuit to walk again has grown from focusing on just her own well being to becoming a mission to help as many people as she can and to spread the word as far and as wide as she can about the procedure that has shown much promise in helping people with all types of neurological damage.

The Brucker Biofeedback has gone overlooked for almost 30 years even though it boasts a 98% success rate in providing at least some improvement in muscle control to its patients. Even yoga and acupuncture, certainly no where near as clinically proven, have a greater acceptance in the medical community than this procedure. Deb's search for her own improvement has now become a quest to broaden awareness of Brucker Biofeedback, increase the scope of its clinics and raise money for individuals who might not otherwise afford treatment. Upon completion of her treatment in March, regardless of her personal outcome, we intend and are taking steps to establish the First Step-Next Step Foundation to further these causes. Any funds raised in excess of the cost of Deb's treatment will go for this purpose. She and I both feel that it is a shame and a travesty that people with neurological damage might be doomed by their doctor or medical coverage to accept life with major limitations when there might be an option that could give them back most if not all of their physical functioning.

I know I am somewhat going out on a limb discussing this at such an early stage, especially when we are still trying to secure funds for Deb's treatment, but I feel that the sooner we begin to get out the message the better. I will soon be sharing with you more of Deb's specific efforts toward this worthy cause.

Feel Free to Donate

2007-12-02T23:32:00.000-05:00

I wrote here previously about our plans to travel to Florida for Deb to receive biofeedback treatment for her condition at the Bruckner Biofeedback Center in Florida (http://www.mjhh.org/spservices_bio.html). The center has worked with many individuals to teach them to more effectively use motor cells in the brain and spinal cord. Our intention is that Deb will regain control of the nerves and muscles that are still active in her body and that she will eventually walk again. Check out the link to learn more about what they do.

We learned that our insurance will not cover the treatment because they consider it to be "experimental". Not to be deterred, we decided to raise the necessary funds ourselves. The treatment itself will take 3 weeks at the cost of $3000. Deb's three week session is scheduled for the first week in March, and with the end of the year approaching, time is running short for us to generate the money for the treatment and the hotel stay for our family. To help us reach our goal, we have established the Deborah Akbar Treatment Fund to which our friends, family and well-wishers can donate to help us defray the expenses. We ask that anyone interested use the "Donate" button on this blog to donate. We really appreciate and are most grateful for any and all help and the good that it does will be chronicled in detail at this site.

We hope for much Peace, Happiness and Abundance to you!

Deb's Family

2007-09-26T10:15:00.000-04:00

I got to spend time with Deb's extended family this Saturday and it hit me where it is she gets some of her positive spirit and inspiration from. It was a clambake hosted by the patriarch of family that fostered her from the time she was 12 until she left for the Army at age 17. I always thought it was a blessing that Deb was brought into a family that truly loved, cared for and accepted her at a time when she could have started making choices that would have led her down a number of paths all too often travelled by young women with troubled childhoods. I found that her situation was more than just luck or coincidence, though I truly believe she attracted herself to the situation through her own imagination and faith. But her case was not unique in the family that I got to know a little better this weekend.

I learned that at least four of the cousins that Deb grew up with were also adopted or fostered into at least 3 different households in this clan. I guess the reason I had never heard this news before was that once accepted into this family, there is no distinction between how one is brought into this family, through birth, marriage or simple heartfelt embrace. Somewhere, this entire clan was instilled with the idea that sharing as much love as possible didn't end with blood ties.

The patriarch of the clan is an executive at NASA with a ton of community involvement and recognition. He greeted everyone at the clambake as if they were the guest of honor. He even remembered that I was fasting until sundown because of the Muslim observance of Ramadhan and that I didn't eat pork. He set aside some all-beef hot dogs cooked separately just for me. It was only the second time he had met me.

Deb's Mom is a very sweet and level-headed woman full of caring as well as grit. Though no one is perfect, she gave my wife just what she needed at a critical point in her life, a stern hand applied with love and caring. She continues today, letting my young adult son stay with her while he gets his life on track. I'm sure she can handle this challenge just as well, if not better, being wiser than before.

I am very grateful to everyone who helped to guide my Deb to be the woman I have come to cherish.

Deb is busy at a frantic pace

2007-09-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, life is still wonderful, if not better. Deb has been busier than George Foreman with a coupon to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Since I last posted, she has gotten involved with 2 online businesses and started a job that was offered to her, in part based on this blog!

The businesses both involve debt relief or debt clean-up. The first one she found because we started out as clients ourselves. She started hounding the agent to let her get involved. It’s not MLM, so he wasn't looking for 'down lines' or anything, but she was so persistent that he finally brought her in and even sold her some of his expensive leads at ½ price to get her started. She did in a month what most new agents with the company take 4 to do. She was on the phone from morning until night, calling emailing, explaining and closing. Deb even came up with her own ideas about networking and prospecting, using networking sites that are usually over-used and abused.

Many people were impressed with her fresh approach to contacting them directly through these sights and some agreed to send business her way when the opportunity arose. This is how the second business came about. Its a network marketing credit repair business. When the guy decided to exchange leads with Deb, he said, "You might as well join and get the credit for any leads you send me." He actually paid the nominal start-up fee for her, saying he would get it back on her first sale. Everybody wins!

The job she started is commission based. She had approached another mortgage broker, this one in New Jersey and he initially said he wanted nothing to do with her. I guess on hunch, he decided to Google her and found this blog. It changed his mind and he decided to call her back. She had mentioned what a great cold prospector she was and he told her, "You know, the last part of my business plan that I have not put into place is someone to contact the leads I have for refinancing ARM loans." He offered a generous commission schedule, 401k, website and a VoIP-hosted PBX phone that is essentially a New Jersey number operating here in Cleveland. WOW! There she goes again, attracting the right people, resources and circumstances to herself. I can't make this stuff up people.

Next time, I'll tell you more about what the goal toward which she is working so feverishly. Until then and beyond, much Love, Peace and Abundance to you all!

2007-03-06T18:39:00.000-05:00

I want to share with you some of the books that Deb and I (mostly Deb :) ) have read and enjoyed over the last six months or so. As you can see, they are primarily about self-improvement, peace of mind and attracting abundance (only a part of which is wealth ;) ). I started to give a brief synopsis of each, but I figured that would make it long and boring (and take yours truly forever.) Not all positive thinking books are just alike, so Google each author and/or title and I'm sure you'll find something to your liking. I highlighted my favorites in orange.

count your blessings	john f. demartini
you can heal yourself	louise hay
wealth beyond reason	bob doyle
excuse me your life is waiting	lynn grabhorn
quantum success	sandra oconnor
happy pocket full of money	david gikandi
spiritual marketing	joe vitale
think and grow rich	napoleon hill
easier than you think	richard carlson
science of getting rich	wallace wattles
science of being well	wallace wattles
silent language of peace	heather macauley
attracting abundance with EFT	carol look
acres of diamonds	dr russell conwell
beyond positive thinking , power of intention	dr. robert anthony

Doing Voice Overs

2007-02-26T17:19:00.000-05:00

My apologies for taking so long to get back here. With the getting set up in the new home and dealing with the severe cold spell in NE Ohio, I kind of got away from my blogs. My wife is up to all kinds of stuff as usual, with several things to keep both of us busy. Her newest focus is doing voice over work for radio and TV advertising, voice messaging recordings, books on tape and website introductions. She figures she has always loved to talk, so she might as well make a living doing it. She is putting a lot of energy into getting things off the ground. We have our computer set up with a professional microphone and recording/editing software so that she can do demos. So far, she's doing voice work for a couple of independent filmmakers and a book of poetry she is recording. I figured out how to embed one of her demo clips in the blog, so you can see for yourself how professional and smooth my baby sounds.

On the healing front, it is amazing how God sends people into your life when you ask Him sincerely for guidance. We had an old chair that we wanted to get out of the garage, so my wife put it on Craig's List (a local trading website) for free to whoever would come and get it. The first person to respond was a young lady named Lisa who recently moved her from Lithuania. She needed furniture for her home/office. She just happened to be a massage therapist and when she saw my wife in her wheelchair, she offered to "pay" for the chair by offering her a therapy session. She has been back several times at no charge because, she says, she likes being able to help someone who is so positive and upbeat about their situation.

Driving Again

2007-01-24T17:36:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you about Debbie learning to drive, getting her license and buying a customized van that allows her to drive with her hands. She had gotten so fed up with trying to catch city buses where only perhaps one in five where wheelchair lift equipped, and of those, the driver often claimed the lift wasn't working. I always thought that they just didn't feel like bothering with the assisting her and attaching the safety straps to her chair. In fact, one did once leave the straps off, saying they weren't on the bus. Sure enough, upon turning a corner, Deb's chair tip and she crashed to the floor of the bus. Shaken and bruised, she was eventually OK, and it wound up costing the transit system for physical therapy and damages; they eventually wound up paying for a big chunk of her van.
There were alternatives. The community responsive transit, could be scheduled, but good luck trying to get to an appointment on time with them, or getting back home in time for dinner after a 1:00 doctor's appointment. Private services were more prompt, but at $80 or more for a round trip, it was prohibitive.
So Deb decided she had to drive again. First she had to get an assessment as to whether she could control even a customized vehicle. Then she had to find a vehicle that was in suitable condition to customize. If you thought a used car dealer might try to take advantage of a single female looking to buy a van, imagine when they thought they had a single female in a wheelchair buying a van. Of course Deb was too stubborn to wait until it was convenient for me to go with her to shop for her van (this was before we were married). It was funny to see how a van that was "a great deal" at $16,000 when Deb was by herself, dropped like a rock to $15 then to $11 thousand when I went with her to look at it, and I don't even consider myself a hardened negotiator.
That first van was huge. It was a customized Dodge Ram that was probably once someones pride and joy. Pink and grey on the outside, it had a TV/VCR combo (for a 1991 model, that was big time customizing, not the factory DVD jobs of today), a CB radio and tinted windows. We had to take it about 2 hours away to get it customized. They tricked it out with hand controls and a huge lift that could probably crush a compact car if you let unfold on top of it. Now Deb was ready to ride in style! She has had 2 since then, but somehow, that first van that gave her back her freedom (and for us, more places to go together) will always be special.

Auto Ambulator

2007-01-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

Deb and I heard of a rehabilitation program by HealthSouth Rehabilitation using a revolutionary tool called the Auto Ambulator. The machine actually moves the patient around in a walking motion while allowing the person's unused muscles to do as much of the work as possible. My wife wrote to the physical therapist in charge of the Auto Ambulator program in Erie, PA (HealthSouth's nearest location). I believe his name was Sean. He returned my wife's email. He told her to contact a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic hear in Ohio who did some work with Christopher Reeves, and told her to say he referred her. I think its amazing that he responded so quickly. He also said that it would probably take massive amounts of exercise for my wife to walk again but that it might be worth the effort. So, keep us in your prayers and your positive vibrations!

Miracles DO Happen!

2007-01-23T12:32:00.000-05:00

I know its been quite some time since I posted here. Primarily, we have been busy with the move to our new home and getting the computer and broadband set up again. I have WONDERFUL news and I just wish I could post video here. Debbie actually moved a major muscle group in her legs, pulling her knees towards each other! This is something she hasn't been able to do for 17 years. The movement was slight but quite visible as she lay on the bed. I tried to get a good video of it, but after I got her sweatpants on (couldn't have it x-rated), it seems her muscles had tire out and the movement wasn't as pronounced on the video, but if you watch closely, it can be seen. We were both so extremely elated that I was jumping up and down like Herman Munster at his birthday party and Deb could barely speak. We shared the good news with her sister, Suzette, who reveled in the excitement as well. The only other person that Deb mentioned it to was her herbalist, who just kind of looked at her as if to say, "ok, that's nice"...almost as if she were not surprised at all that Deb would be making progress.
The kind of buzz that I got from this happening was enough to have me walking on air for days. How easy is it to be joyful and energetic after witnessing such a miracle. I am so grateful and elated for being able to see the love of my life make strides toward something we once thought was impossible. Please join me in giving thanks and praying for her continued progress. Thanks!

2006-10-13T16:38:00.000-04:00

This post was started because of the idea that my wife, Deb, is on a mission to walk again, almost 17 years after a car accident rendered her paralyzed from the solar plexus down. I have shared some stories and history in order to establish why my wife's story is even blog-worthy. But I guess I can tell a tidbit of what's going on now to get to the goal of walking.

Obviously neither of us has ever been through the process of getting legs that have not been used on purpose in 17 years to function again. And given that the doctors have decided that its a lost cause, there isn't a lot of professional help insurance or government programs jumping in our direction. The biggest practical help has been the massotherapist, John, who showed us how Deb's leg muscles can be stimulated into responding to outside force. She has actually moved her foot on a couple of occasions, but nothing that has been sustained.

We have thought about this for ages: what can we do besides wishing and hoping that could give Deb real progress toward walking. Well one thing we've tried lately is encouraging (heck, anything that keeps us believing in this cause is encouraging, actually); I have been standing Deb up in the morning.

I always saw the melodramatic TV shows where a person who couldn't use their legs would be forced to drag themselves along a set of parallel bars for countless minutes while their "friend" shouted at them and told them not to give up, either pumping them up or pissing them off enough to drag their lifeless limbs just one more inch. Two weeks later, they're skipping out of the rehab center, thanking Dr. Welby for all he's done for them.

Sorry, I wish I could say that's how its going, but its not. What is happening is that, instead of picking Deb up every morning and placing her in her wheelchair, I grab her around the waist and hoist her up to her feet. At first I thought it was just a good way to give her some creative visualization, seeing herself in the mirror in all her 5' 11" glory, feeding her vision and her passion to walk again. This it did, but what we also found was that her legs actually tried to cooperate! I was nervous that her legs would either spasm and kick, or buckle at the slightest pressure. Neither was the case. Her legs would actually straighten for a moment (as they do when they spasm sometimes) and I found they could actually support maybe 10% of her weight (my uneducated guestimate) as she stood and pivoted into her chair! That first time we did it, we were so overjoyed we cried. We looked at each other as if for reassurance that the slight support her legs gave was actually real, not wishful thinking. It is real, her legs actually straighten and stiffen in response to being lifted up and share in holding her up. Its been about of week of this, and while that is way too soon to expect further progress, it definitely reinforces the idea that we are on to something.

Stay tuned folks...something wonderful is happening!!!

The Power of Thought

2006-10-12T10:34:00.000-04:00

My apologies for taking so long to continue the odyssey, there has been a lot going on in our lives, including starting the process of buying a new home. Even that process adds to the awe and inspiration that my Deb manifests. We have been talking about moving for quite some time, but it was always just talk. Deb decides to rejuvenate her positive thinking skills after a watching a video called "The Secret" that talks about the Law of Attraction whereby we attract everything in our lives to ourselves based on our thinking. Anyway, to make a long story short, she decides to write down the house that we want. She types on a piece of paper, "I have a four bedroom ranch house with hardwood floors, a finished basement and an attached garage." (Note that she did not request that it be wheelchair accessible.) A couple of weeks later, she tells the father of a friend of hers, who happens to be a real estate broker, that she's looking for a four-bedroom ranch with hardwood floors, a basement and attached garage.

Now I'm thinking, "There is no way we find exactly that anywhere near our price range". A week later, Charles, the real estate broker calls and wants us to look at a house. In a nice neighborhood, four bedrooms. I decide to humor my wife and go along. We get there and the first thing I see is the attached garage. Ok, so far so good...but I'm just here to look. We get Deborah inside and, low and behold, hardwood floors! Joe says, "...and you have to see the basement. Its finished, with another bathroom and kitchen down there." WOW! It was like Jeanie had said, "Yes, Master!" and blinked her eyes, peeling the house right off the paper slapped it in the middle of this nice middle-class neighborhood.

On the refrigerator was a fragment of the famous poem, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, which read:

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

If ever there was a sign, the line, "No doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should" would definitely be one. I was still in knots about the affordability. Charles said we were already preapproved by his financing partner. Then he told me the asking price, which was about 20% less than what I had found for comparable houses in comparable neighborhoods, and that included the improvements that the owner was making! There was just one last hurdle ("here you go, Universe, let me see you handle this!") that my overly-analytical mind was throwing out there: the house was not wheelchair-accessible. I couldn't buy a new home that would be a jail for my Sweetie. Even the current owner jokingly asked why she hadn't put "wheelchair-accessible" on her wish-list. Deb replied that she doesn't like to focus on her disability, but she was sure everything would be ok.

As it turns out, when we went back to see the house a second time, the contractor doing the upgrades for the owner is well-versed in ADA building regulations and had some excellent ideas to make the house comfortable for my wife. He really knew his stuff and being the one making current upgrades, could easily incorporate the designs into what was already being done. Another "WOW!"

Oh, To Be Drug Free!

2006-09-18T17:18:00.000-04:00

Deb decided that she no longer wanted to be dependent on drugs. Sure, the drugs were prescribed by doctors, refilled at will at any pharmacy and came in neat little identifiable bottles with the name and dosage instructions. But it was still drugs! Believe it or not, one of the doctors told Deb the first time she was in the hospital that the key to controlling the spasms that came along with her condition was stretching and range of motion. Yet they proceeded to prescribe several medications for it over the years.

There were drugs for pain, drugs for spasms, drugs for bladder control, drugs for constipation caused by drugs for pain and drugs for depression for having to take all those confounded drugs! Deb had enough when it was found that a prescription she had been given for acne was linked to several suicides. That was it.

She had always been both encouraged and intimidated by the time she had gone cold turkey with the pregnancy of my son. Encouraged by the fact that she had survived nine months without any prescription medication, intimidated because of the physical suffering she had endured. Now she was homeschooling and working from home and didn't want to risk bed rest and debilitation that her withdrawal had caused during her pregnancy.

She decided to investigate every natural remedy we could afford, and a couple we couldn't. There was massage therapy, reflexology, herbalists, a doctor of nutripathy, aroma therapy and prayer (there had alway been that, but now maybe a little more specific to the task at hand.) We built up a fair amount of debt because, of course, none of this is covered by insurance, even though it might prevent an awful lot of 'covered' medical bills. However, we had to narrow down her choices to the most beneficial.

Most of these were helpful to some extent, except for one herbalist who felt her wrist and said that her nervous system was dead. [Give me a break, he was scared to deal with anything more than arthritis!] Fortunately, there was Susan Deng. Susan operates a very popular, though very quaint herbalist shop that is as full of charm as it is herbs, teas, roots and supplements. She very professional, in a Western sort of way, while maintaining the quiet, spiritual demeanor of her native China. She was actually a neurosurgeon in China, but did not get certification here in the states. In the "greater good of the universe" sense, that was probably a good thing!

Susan prescribed for my wife an herbal potion that was primarily to help her get over her withdrawal from medication and to relax her muscles. It was a combination of at least 15 exotic looking ingredients (one looked like snake skin, but was actually some sort of bark). Her assistant would take about 1/2 hour measuring out the recipe using a delicate hand-held scale. When boiled, the concoction smelled awful and filled the house with a pungent smell reminiscent of crushed weeds pulled from a garden. The drink actually worked well in controlling my wife's spasms and other assorted aches and pains.

Deb has narrowed her focus of treatments to Susan Deng's treatments (she gets varying mixtures for a variety of internal needs) and her own use of herbal extracts that she has learned from books like Back to Eden and 101 Natural Cures. I've become her massage therapist, working her over like kneaded dough, (she needs deep tissue stimulation, not just relaxation).

Anyway, its been over a year since Deb has taken any medication stronger than Ibuprofen and that's few and far between. No more prescription bottles all over, no more remembering what to take when or what's good for what and best of all, no more side effects. Nothing is making her hair fall out, her skin break out, her digestive system to stop, sleeplessness, drowsiness dizziness, nausea, fatigue or paranoia. She says that even what pain she feels lets her know that she is alive in places she thought she had lost forever. YEAH!!!

Pageant Winner

2006-09-13T17:22:00.000-04:00

And the Winner Is...

I can honestly say I'm married to a pageant queen. Deb was crowned Miss Wheelchair Ohio 1997. Getting there was fairly easy. The pageant had been dormant for more than a dozen years. Deb came across information about it when looking for modeling leads on the Internet. She wrote to the national organization that hosts the Miss Wheelchair America Pageant, inquiring about how to start the pageant again in Ohio. She was told that all she had to do was submit an application for MWO to them. If there were other applicants, they would select someone from among them to participate nationally, unless there was enough interest to hold a state pageant. Out of her sense of fairness, Deb even went so far as to submit a classified ad to the Services For Independent Living Newsletter, advertising the pageant and the deadline for entry. Come the deadline, she was still the only applicant and was therefore awarded the Miss Wheelchair Ohio 1997 title by default. Like I said: easy. No big deal, right? Wrong! That was only the beginning of the story.

Taking It Seriously

The big deal was that she never treated it like a 'default' title but took the responsibilities of Miss Wheelchair Ohio being an advocate for the disabled very seriously. Not only that, but she had to raise money for her trip to Denver, CO for the national pageant AND the chosen title holder had the obligation of organizing a pageant for the following year. Now my hero went to work.

I thought she would raise money by asking friends or selling cookies or candy bars in her apartment building. I underestimated her. She was after bigger fish, contacting corporations for donations to her cause. She wrote to a Revco, a pharmacy later bought out by RiteAid because of the business they received from all the prescriptions she and her contemporaries used. She contacted a grocery chain, Rini-Rego, because they had the only supermarket near her wheelchair-accesible apartment building. GM was the one of the Big Three car makers that responded to her letters; she figured they made the customizable vans and minivans she and her friends used. I was amazed; who just writes letters to huge corporations, not even being sure who in particular to address and winds up getting checks back? In all she raised more than $5000 for her trip to Denver and for the pageant the following year to name her successor. That wasn't enough.

An Advocate is Born

There was the advocacy issue. Again, she attacked full force. She contacted every television and radio station in the city. She was interviewed by at least four TV stations and featured in news stories. Jack Marshall on Channel 43 did a feature with her, Leon Bibb, then with a Sunday morning talk show on Channel 3, did a segment with her on his show. She did several radio interviews, including ones on WZAK and WCPU, the National Public Radio station. Always, the emphasis was not on herself, but on the disabled in general and the efforts to help them maintain dignity and participate fully in society. She always explained that the pageant was not about outward beauty (even though she is gorgeous, isn't she?) but about inward strength, overcoming adversity and blazing trails for others. She became a mini-celebrity and still seemed amazed that people recognized her from TV. "Why are they staring at me? ", she would ask. "They know you, Sweetie, people do watch the news. Just smile and wave..."

The Trip

Deb went to the Miss Wheelchair America Pageant in Denver that October and had the time of her life. She again took my teenage daughter along as I was unable to get away from work. She was pampered, made friends that lasted a lifetime and learned a lot about how her peers from around the country were triumphing over their own challenges. She didn't place in the top five in the pageant, but I'm sure she left and impression on everyone she met. She always does.

Deb did organize and produce a pageant the following year, that was held in the John S. Knight and hosted by a local anchorwoman, Romona Robinson. There were 13 contestants because this year, Deb recruited contestants, not just advertised.

A Model of Persistence

2006-09-09T22:02:00.000-04:00

In 1997, sometime after the birth of our son Malik, Deb decided to take on another challenge: she wanted to resume her once budding modeling career. Before the accident, she had done a couple of runway modeling jobs in Cleveland and New York. So, when she found out that most of the people appearing in wheelchairs in advertisements were not actually disabled, she enlisted the aid my brother Larry (an amateur art photographer) to create a portfolio and marched down to David & Lee modeling agency and insisted on an interview. They liked her and gave her a contract. Now, while it didn't become a full-time endeavor, Deb did enjoy a couple of interesting shoots. She was flown, along with my then 14 year-old daughter, to one of the Florida keys for a 3 day shoot. She also did a local magazine ad for Metro General Hospital, the same hospital where she woke up after her accident and did her grueling rehabilitation. It was another dream come true and another chance to show that she was not defined by her disability; that she relied on her wheelchair but was not confined by it. Stay tuned for more achievements on Deb's journey toward her Next Step.

Birth of a Son

2006-09-06T22:19:00.000-04:00

I think I learned how truly tough my Deb is when we found out that she was pregnant a couple of years after we'd been together. At the time, she was taking Diazepam (generic Valium) for spasms four times a day, Ditropan for bladder control 3 times daily and Macrodantin 3 times for whatever its was supposed to be doing. As soon as the doctor told her she was pregnant, she decided to go cold turkey from everything, even thought the doctor suggested gradual reduction of dosages. She asked, "Are you going to guarantee me that these medications will have no effect on my baby? Are you going to be there to help take care of whatever birth defect they might cause? " Try as they might, obstetrician and spinal chord specialist alike, could not convince Deb to take medication during her pregnancy.

Going Cold Turkey
Now bless her heart, Deb was quite naive in her decision. Although she had seen "Lady Sings the Blues" where Diana Ross portrayed a strung out Billie Holliday going through sweats and shakes when she needed her fix, she never made a connection to what she was facing. "I'm just taking a few prescriptions that the doctor gave me, what harm could there be, other than a little discomfort, which I am quite willing to suffer for the health of my baby" She had no idea of the potency of Valium or her bodies craving for it as she went through withdrawal. She suffered fits of sweating, shaking, chills and aching muscles beyond what her injury could account for. Even after I convinced her that it was withdrawal she was suffering from (just like Lady Day), she thought it would quickly be over in a couple of days. Wrong again. She had to endure these symptoms for the two trimesters of her pregnancy and then still deal with the untreated effects of her injury after they subsided. Her muscles would ache, her legs would spasm uncontrollably and her bladder wouldn't sit still for hardly a minute. She even had to go through a stint in the hospital when her blood pressure dropped dangerously low. But she handled it all with the goal in mind of delivering a healthy, drug-free child.

Educating the Professionals

Originally, I didn't think Deb was blazing that new of a trail, having a baby after a spinal chord injury. Apparently, it was my turn to be wrong. You have obstetricians, even very good ones, who could tell you all about the development of a child and what a healthy mother went through, but knew nothing next to nothing about spinal chord injury. Then, you have spinal injury specialist, who made fairly educated guesses about the effects of a spinal trauma (though they still don't know why Deb has 70% use of both her arms when she should be a quadriplegic based on where here injury is) - but for the life of them couldn't give you the ins and outs of a high-risk pregnancy if their life depended on it. Thank goodness Al Gore had invented the Internet by 1995! Deb would search and dig for any and all information she could scrape up (the Net was a lot less commercial back then, so the information was free). Some doctor would tell her that she would have to deliver by Caesarian section, since her muscles didn't work. Errrgh...wrong!!! She would hand him a stack of articles and anecdotes to that confirm the contrary, her involuntary muscles would do just fine. Some doctor would suggest bed rest for the last 3 months, since she wouldn't be able to discern the onset of labor ..."wrong again, Batman!" If she could feel gas (and she could), she could feel labor (3rd page of this 10-page article, Doc.) It went on like this for months until the doctors started posing their advice for my wife in the form of questions: Do you think you might want to try this vitamin, do you think this diet might be ok? I think they had learned not to mess with my sweetie.

Suffering Fools

Beyond the withdrawals and the doctors, Deb's patience was also stretched paper thin by many in the general public who couldn't imagine an expectant mother in a wheelchair. Men walking on the moon, microwave ovens, Ronald Reagan knowing nothing about Iran-Contra...all this they could believe. Woman in a wheelchair getting pregnant? "How could that happen?", a couple people were bold enough to ask. Deb, with a completely straight face would start, in her best "Maria from Sesame Street" imitation: "Well, when the Mommy bird and Daddy bird decide to make a baby... " I would be rolling as the offended target marched away. Deb was accustomed to handling such personal snooping by strangers with her own sense of deadpan humor. The classic, "How long have you been in the wheelchair?", was always answered with, "Oh, since about 9 o'clock this morning. " Shock and dismay would contort their face until they realized their leg was being pulled. Maybe the most memorable incident of these rolling pregnancy faux pas was when Deb went for a checkup with the obstetrician at Metro General Hospital. The department secretary promptly inform Deb as she wheeled through the door, "Oh, honey, the Spinal Chord Clinic is on the 7th floor" . To which Deb promptly replied, "Been there, done that, but I hear they know a little more about pregnant women down here. I hope they're right"

Labor, Finally

When I arrived in the delivery room, I was greeted by at least a couple doctors and a several nurses who were surrounding my wife and she pleaded with them to get out of the room and leave her alone. They immediately turned to me to convince me of the expediency of giving my wife an epidural and being prepared to do a Caesarian. They spoke to me as if she weren't even in the room. "She really need this...she should get that...it will make her blah, blah, blah". All the while she yelling now to get them out of her sight before she starts to throw things because her ears and her arms work quite well. I of course deferred to my wife's decision and wisely interjected a few, "isn't that right, Sweeties" into my replies. There were more intense moments, highlighted by Deb's labor pains being translated through her injured spine as intense, pounding headaches. Her blood pressure was dangerously elevated, one of the risks the doctors hoped to avoid with an epidural. However, after about six hours of drama and screams and sweat, my son Malik unceremoniously plopped into the world, opened his eyes and looked around as if wondering why his sleep had been disturbed. He was a very healthy 6 lb., 11 oz. bundle of wonder who had just begun to be the inspiration of two very happy parents.

The Inquisition!

Before being released from the hospital, Human Services had to be summoned, and Deb and I (mostly Deb) had to be subjected to a battery of inquiries and drills to make sure that Malik would be "safe" in a home with a paraplegic mother. Most of it was inane because the LSWs had no real clue what life was like for Deb and therefore didn't know the real challenges. "What will you do if he gets diarrhea?" "How will you feed him solid foods?" They even made her demonstrate that she could change his diaper and bath him. I was outraged. All this while a 16 year-old teenage mother in the next bed, whose baby was in ICU because she smoked throughout her pregnancy, was heard to vow not to let a baby slow her down and she was still going to go out clubbing every weekend! Arggh!

The Rewards

Though we were a blended family, each of us having been married before, with 3 pre-teen boys and a teenage daughter between us; the challenge of Malik's birth and upbringing (he's 10 as of this writing) has helped bring a new appreciation of parenthood to both Deb and myself. He is home schooled now (more on that later) and is taking advantage of parents who have been through it all before.

The Start of a Long Journey

2006-09-04T19:19:00.000-04:00

I wanted to create this blog to chronicle the incredible and heartfelt journey that my wife, Deb, and I are about to take. Deb has not walked since January 1990 when she was involved in a car accident that left her with a spinal chord injury. Her life to this point has been a trek through all kinds of trials with personal development and spiritual and emotional growth and wondrous discoveries that I will be sharing with you in this blog. The impetus for starting this blog now is the renewed hope that she is once again going to regain control of the muscles below her solar plexus and begin to walk again. I wanted to have a place to record and share the highs and joys and the obstacles to be overcome as we embark on this endeavor together.

Let me give a little background. I met Deb in January 1993 while we were both in college. At the time, she told me about her accident in 1990, that she had been in the army in Virginia when she, her boyfriend and 2 sisters were accosted at a club and subsequently chased by a car as her boyfriend sped away. The driver lost control going around 80 m.p.h. and ran into a huge tree. I've seen pictures and its amazing anyone walked away. Surprisingly, other than Deb, the only serious injury was a broken leg that one of her sisters suffered. Deb, however, was another story.

Deb:

"I remember waking up in the Metro General Hospital not
knowing where I was or why I was there. I tried getting out of the bed and
realized that I couldn't move. I tried talking and nothing came out.
It felt like I was screaming at the nurse to explain what was going on, but they paid no attention."

I am not going to go into the details, but the gist of it was that her spinal chord was crushed, C7-C8. Sixth months of rehabilitation was needed for her to learn to eat, drink, talk and use her left hand. But she needed a wheelchair to get around. She was told by her doctors that the injury was "complete" and that she would never walk again.

Deb would never let that be the end of her story. At the time that I met her, she was going to school full time, raising her 7 year-old son, Edward, living in her wheelchair-accessible apartment. She believed that there was no reason in the world not to pursue all the goals she had in life before her accident and especially wanted to her son every opportunity in the world. She celebrates every January 5 (the date of the accident) as her "2nd Birthday" because she had been given the chance to start life anew. Next time, I'll tell about our meeting and more amazing things she has done with her life.